Tuesday, December 27, 2011
The New year is approaching.
And I know in this year I need to make changes in life.
I need to stop being so afraid. I have to submit myself to opportunities and get involved. I need to also need to stay away from negativity so I can have the positivism and belief that I can what I want and accomplish anything.
I will probably need to not see my family anymore. It seems as though my parents have fallen very strongly in to body building and it consumes most of their time, money and focus. Its as though that their top priority and they lose sight of my sisters and I (even though I don't live with them) but their are times I really need their help and they are just gone. I need to be distant because... I guess, I do what I can to win their approval and for some guidance but now I know and have come to realize they wont be their to help me at all and I'm completely on my own world. I have to do things myself and just be. Im sure my distance from them will be good for my self esteem too after the years of being called a loser, that i will probably kill myself, I'm fat, or i need lose weight or that I look weird, or need to top getting tattoos or piercings, i just need to stay away from that vibe.
As far as my relationship with Nicole was fun but when we first started dating. I think i will have to let go soon. I'm not so happy anymore. I'm getting more annoyed of the smallest of things that she does and sometimes I'm so irritated with her that we can't even be in the same room with out me wanting to just explode. I love her with all my heart and I always will but being with has made me lose friends, opportunities, events, and I'm just stuck at my apartment doing the same shit all the time because she is either working or sleeping. I feel like i need freedom. She's 29 and I'm 20. She has lived and explored. I feel like its my turn. Also I want to make choices for my life, not what suitable for her and slightly ok for me, because in the end it's my life and I'm not happy with it.
I need to Fucking drive! I'm sure that would turn my whole life around .GOD I NEED TO FUCKING DRIVE! This is ridiculous I'm 20 i need to got take my drivers test and get my licence.
Also I quit Paul Mitchell. I'm done. I have to start paying 80 bucks a month for the loans and stuff. But! But! I applied for the Academy Art Uni of San Fran which is really where I wanted to go to begin with for digital graphics and fashion. I did a huge fucking mistake because i just into Paul Mitchell with out even looking into it or even knowing what I was getting myself into. This time I'm going to go for the school I want, not the cheep school because everyone says I should go and do someshit because i wont get anywhere.
So I will have to work on having a change of mind, need to work on loving myself and treating myself, need to be positive again, need to drive, need to find a new crowd of positive people, need to work on my goal, need to work on school, find a better job, need to drive, and to get and do thing.
-alessandra
I need to stop being so afraid. I have to submit myself to opportunities and get involved. I need to also need to stay away from negativity so I can have the positivism and belief that I can what I want and accomplish anything.
I will probably need to not see my family anymore. It seems as though my parents have fallen very strongly in to body building and it consumes most of their time, money and focus. Its as though that their top priority and they lose sight of my sisters and I (even though I don't live with them) but their are times I really need their help and they are just gone. I need to be distant because... I guess, I do what I can to win their approval and for some guidance but now I know and have come to realize they wont be their to help me at all and I'm completely on my own world. I have to do things myself and just be. Im sure my distance from them will be good for my self esteem too after the years of being called a loser, that i will probably kill myself, I'm fat, or i need lose weight or that I look weird, or need to top getting tattoos or piercings, i just need to stay away from that vibe.
As far as my relationship with Nicole was fun but when we first started dating. I think i will have to let go soon. I'm not so happy anymore. I'm getting more annoyed of the smallest of things that she does and sometimes I'm so irritated with her that we can't even be in the same room with out me wanting to just explode. I love her with all my heart and I always will but being with has made me lose friends, opportunities, events, and I'm just stuck at my apartment doing the same shit all the time because she is either working or sleeping. I feel like i need freedom. She's 29 and I'm 20. She has lived and explored. I feel like its my turn. Also I want to make choices for my life, not what suitable for her and slightly ok for me, because in the end it's my life and I'm not happy with it.
I need to Fucking drive! I'm sure that would turn my whole life around .GOD I NEED TO FUCKING DRIVE! This is ridiculous I'm 20 i need to got take my drivers test and get my licence.
Also I quit Paul Mitchell. I'm done. I have to start paying 80 bucks a month for the loans and stuff. But! But! I applied for the Academy Art Uni of San Fran which is really where I wanted to go to begin with for digital graphics and fashion. I did a huge fucking mistake because i just into Paul Mitchell with out even looking into it or even knowing what I was getting myself into. This time I'm going to go for the school I want, not the cheep school because everyone says I should go and do someshit because i wont get anywhere.
So I will have to work on having a change of mind, need to work on loving myself and treating myself, need to be positive again, need to drive, need to find a new crowd of positive people, need to work on my goal, need to work on school, find a better job, need to drive, and to get and do thing.
-alessandra
FOR THE HELL OF IT
A: Age.
20
B: Where I’m from.
San Antonio, Texas
C: Where I would like to live.
Cali, England, Spain, Canada
D: Favourite food.
Rocky Road Ice Cream and Chips & Queso
E: Religion.
Logic
F: Sexual orientation.
Unique beings
G: Single/Taken.
….taken
H: Favorite book.
I: Eyes color.
Hazel
J: Favourite movie.
K: Favourite TV show.
L: Favourite band/singer.
Many, I like variety
M: My best friend’s name.
Nicole
N: Favorite day of the year.
Good Days
O: Favourite color.
Brights, neons, pastels, black, white, & metallic colors
P: If I have any pets and name.
My kitty named Munster
Q: What I’m listening to right now.
Major Tom By Shiny Toy Guns
R: Last movie I’ve watched.
?????
S: What’s my ringtone.
T: Favourite male character from a TV show.
U: Favourite female character from a TV show.
V: What does my name mean.
“defender of mankind” or “defender of one’s own kind”
W: Favourite superhero.
Not really superheros But…. Noa (SkyDoll) & Tank Girl
X: Celebrity crush.
Rick Genest & Keith Flint (The Prodigy)
Y: My birthday.
October 16th, 1991
20
B: Where I’m from.
San Antonio, Texas
C: Where I would like to live.
Cali, England, Spain, Canada
D: Favourite food.
Rocky Road Ice Cream and Chips & Queso
E: Religion.
Logic
F: Sexual orientation.
Unique beings
G: Single/Taken.
….taken
H: Favorite book.
I: Eyes color.
Hazel
J: Favourite movie.
K: Favourite TV show.
L: Favourite band/singer.
Many, I like variety
M: My best friend’s name.
Nicole
N: Favorite day of the year.
Good Days
O: Favourite color.
Brights, neons, pastels, black, white, & metallic colors
P: If I have any pets and name.
My kitty named Munster
Q: What I’m listening to right now.
Major Tom By Shiny Toy Guns
R: Last movie I’ve watched.
?????
S: What’s my ringtone.
T: Favourite male character from a TV show.
U: Favourite female character from a TV show.
V: What does my name mean.
“defender of mankind” or “defender of one’s own kind”
W: Favourite superhero.
Not really superheros But…. Noa (SkyDoll) & Tank Girl
X: Celebrity crush.
Rick Genest & Keith Flint (The Prodigy)
Y: My birthday.
October 16th, 1991
Monday, December 26, 2011
Christmas
Well, it was ok.
It started out fine then while opening gifts and presents Gina's bratty-spoiled-mode happened and my dad got upset and lead up to creating a sad and dramatic Christmas morning for the family. As the day went on we all forgot about the drama and had a rather normal day of laziness.
This whole year I didnt feel any spirit of any holiday, not even Halloween. :( But that's is mostly because of me and the people I surround myself with.
aside from that check out my Christmas present.
This was Christmas present from my family. I cannot being to express my joy of finally having one. No more using the mouse. haha
Well there is one more present left and that's my ears in the meantime. I'll finally start updating more soon.
It started out fine then while opening gifts and presents Gina's bratty-spoiled-mode happened and my dad got upset and lead up to creating a sad and dramatic Christmas morning for the family. As the day went on we all forgot about the drama and had a rather normal day of laziness.
This whole year I didnt feel any spirit of any holiday, not even Halloween. :( But that's is mostly because of me and the people I surround myself with.
aside from that check out my Christmas present.
This was Christmas present from my family. I cannot being to express my joy of finally having one. No more using the mouse. haha
Well there is one more present left and that's my ears in the meantime. I'll finally start updating more soon.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
SO I’M CUTTING MY THE SIDES (OF MY HEAD) BOY SHORT TOMORROW!
So the hair length is decent enough to dye blue.
And I’ll add, wool dreads, Synthetic dreads and some extensions in the mid section.
And I’ll add, wool dreads, Synthetic dreads and some extensions in the mid section.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
List of Stuff I need to do
1. Get My licence
2. Work More
3. Get a tablet for art
4. Keep eating healthy and clean, and not to much
5. Set up the sewing machine
6. Get crafts
7. Keep working out
8. Get a laptop
9. work on music
10. Get equipment for music
11. Get more mods
12. Be an SG
But start right Meow!
2. Work More
3. Get a tablet for art
4. Keep eating healthy and clean, and not to much
5. Set up the sewing machine
6. Get crafts
7. Keep working out
8. Get a laptop
9. work on music
10. Get equipment for music
11. Get more mods
12. Be an SG
But start right Meow!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Shoe Transformation Idea!
Now that I work at hottpic again and get a wonderful discount I'm going to buy a pair of DEMONIA STACKED STRAP BOOTS.
Then buy some white and maybe a light pink spray paint that when its finished drying it glossy.
Then buy some decoden/rhinestones off etsy and Sophie & Toffee like these
then add some bows and pearl bead chains!
I think it would be hella cute. If I do do this I will video it for sure!
Then buy some white and maybe a light pink spray paint that when its finished drying it glossy.
Then buy some decoden/rhinestones off etsy and Sophie & Toffee like these
I think it would be hella cute. If I do do this I will video it for sure!
Change of plans for New Years!
Instead of going to Lightball Night, Nico and I have decided to go and spend some days in Austin and get a Tattoos and get my lovely ears pointed!
I've been considering doing it for a couple of years now. I'm going to Shaman Modifications Tattoo and Body Piercing Located in Austin.When I went visit and have a consultation with Pineapple who gave me so much detail of the procedure and the cost which included the followups of the healing. With all the other artists I went looking around to they keep making up stuff and seem like didn't know shit. Too bad! But Pineapple it is!
I'm getting closer to Anime-Alien transformation! :3 Yay!
I've been considering doing it for a couple of years now. I'm going to Shaman Modifications Tattoo and Body Piercing Located in Austin.When I went visit and have a consultation with Pineapple who gave me so much detail of the procedure and the cost which included the followups of the healing. With all the other artists I went looking around to they keep making up stuff and seem like didn't know shit. Too bad! But Pineapple it is!
I'm getting closer to Anime-Alien transformation! :3 Yay!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Tomorrow I start my My first day at Hottopic.
.............again..
God I want chocolate.
Also my shift is 7 hours!
God I want chocolate.
Also my shift is 7 hours!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
WARPAINT BEAUTY MAKEUP!
So the other day, Nico and I went to La Cantera Mall on a quest to buy warpaint make up. We bought a mass quanty of almost everything and really cheap thanks to their BOGO and Nico's employee discount :D!
The make up works really well! I'm very happy with this bargain and products!
One of my biggest pet peeves is
My family or relatives have the nerve to take a picture of when I'm at my complete worst, and post it and share it publicly. I understand that for them it's cute, they LOVE me looking "natural" and i shouldn't care and just let them but no.
I already struggle with my identity and how I was to display myself. I struggle with my weight, and hair. Now when i see a photo when I feel like I appear as a complete troll, I get an instant knot in my throat and I dont want to eat and I want to change everything about myself. I'm trying to cope with learning to love myself but its hard.
Not when a picture is take of me with ne make up not eyebrow my hair is an explosion, and that picture is on facebook or some public media site or being showed to people..... THAT JUST FUCKING BLOWS MY TOP! Have respect for how I want to show myself, have respect for how I feel on that aspect of my Identity. To me its not right at all. It pisses me off and it makes me not want to have any pictures with what so ever.
Just respect my feeling on picture or when i'm at my worst.
I already struggle with my identity and how I was to display myself. I struggle with my weight, and hair. Now when i see a photo when I feel like I appear as a complete troll, I get an instant knot in my throat and I dont want to eat and I want to change everything about myself. I'm trying to cope with learning to love myself but its hard.
Not when a picture is take of me with ne make up not eyebrow my hair is an explosion, and that picture is on facebook or some public media site or being showed to people..... THAT JUST FUCKING BLOWS MY TOP! Have respect for how I want to show myself, have respect for how I feel on that aspect of my Identity. To me its not right at all. It pisses me off and it makes me not want to have any pictures with what so ever.
Just respect my feeling on picture or when i'm at my worst.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
My birthday
My birthday was awesome!
Oct 15 I went to Rainforest Cafe!
Got presents from my Mum!
Then on the 16th my mom got me breakfast
and then Ma dropped me off and at my apartment and I arrived home to this Amazing deco Nico did!
and Last we finished the night at Pompei and with a movie! :)
Oct 15 I went to Rainforest Cafe!
Got presents from my Mum!
Then on the 16th my mom got me breakfast
and then Ma dropped me off and at my apartment and I arrived home to this Amazing deco Nico did!
and Last we finished the night at Pompei and with a movie! :)
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
I am so Proud of myself!
So today I worked on creating a trace beat with melody. And after hours and practice I succeeded. And I loved the out come! I an so proud of myself. Know that I created my first tune made me soooo happy. It's not finished which makes me want to keep working on but I am sooo happy! :D
Monday, October 3, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Happy October!
Yay! Its Finally October I'm so happy! It my favorite mouth not only because it my birthday and Halloween takes place in October but because its the beginning of fall for me. Also this month i want to create my own diet, I want really change my eating habits. I'll probably post my diet later and of course I'll have a work out to it. I want to do lots of changes for October.
Today I'm going to try and rearrange furniture and organize my apartment. Maybe later I'll go grocery shopping with nico!
By the way! 16 more days will my Birrfffday and 31 till Halloweeny!
-Alessandra
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Skrillex Prefromance was Amazing! But the night was complete shit.
I guess there is a reason certain events or shows like such don't happen often in San Antonio mainly because people don't know how to handle themselves in these kinds of events. It could have been way better. But i was also in state thinking that the social environment would be like Nocturnal Festival, clearly my expectations were high.
Nico and I headed out to the club where that show was held at, we ended up arriving 2 hours early which was ok we figured we would be part of the first group in line to get a good spot. Our friends Steph and her friend met up with us while in line which was good so at least we had some friends that we had hang out with us at the show, since Nico didn't even bother contacting her buddies from work that were going, we could have met up with them too and had a big group together.... oh well.... Once the four of us got in we made out way to the floor and got a spot slightly close to the front. Nadastorm started playing people cheered but no one in the front was fucking moving. No one! Sheph and I were dancing and moving it but everyone in front of us was stiff. I was also getting annoyed that Nico wasn't dancing either, but I tried brushing it off. Once Foreign Beggars got onstage that shit turned around. It started to get packed and people were getting crammed. In a way our 4 group was getting closer to the front but it was pointless because all these dumb Flashy half naked twats wanna be go-go dancers that covering the view of the DJs on the floor bar rail near the stage. LIKE WTF I DID NOT PAY TO SEE YOU COOCH OR ASS! Steph amd I snuck under the bar rail to get a good view of the DJs in the very front while Nico and Steph's friend stayed behind. The front was totally compact. I was getting claustrophobic super quick withing probably 10 mins I told steph I had to get back to Nico, I just couldn't handle how packed it was and I was worried about nico being upset that i left her. As I tried making my way back to the center floor going underneath the bar I thought Nico and Steph's frend would be right there waiting for us to pop out. They were NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. All I could think was "OH MY GOD, FUCK! Nico probably left cause she's pissed". So I made way looking for her and Steph's Friend through the club. I basically looked them the whole entire time 12th Planet played. I was totally panicking and I felt like i was about to cry. I could not get over that the first concert that I would go to with my girlfriend, I would end up losing her. Once Skrillex came on I gave up look for any of the three of them I figured i would just get in the crowed and just enjoy seeing Skrillex do his show. He was truly amazing. Druing the he preformed I got my hair pulled, pushed and shoved, got trapled on by people trying to crowd surf, and got grinded on..ugh.. It was Sad hearing the songs that both my girlfriend and I love and we were not together dancing to them. The whole show was over I finally found Nico and Stephy close to the exit. Turns Nico went on a rampage looking for me and Stephy was slightly crying because her friends was ignoring her, he didnt like that we separated from them so he got irritated so he ignored Steph and ditched us. As we started making our was towards the exit some bitch threw up and Nico. Nico was so close to knocking her out, but I think the dumb bitch made be self mostly spit up water just so she can out of the building faster. Stephy went to get her stuff from her jerk friend and we gave her a ride home.
It was a bad night for the three of us.
But Skrillex himself is amazing live, none the less.
-Alessandra
Nico and I headed out to the club where that show was held at, we ended up arriving 2 hours early which was ok we figured we would be part of the first group in line to get a good spot. Our friends Steph and her friend met up with us while in line which was good so at least we had some friends that we had hang out with us at the show, since Nico didn't even bother contacting her buddies from work that were going, we could have met up with them too and had a big group together.... oh well.... Once the four of us got in we made out way to the floor and got a spot slightly close to the front. Nadastorm started playing people cheered but no one in the front was fucking moving. No one! Sheph and I were dancing and moving it but everyone in front of us was stiff. I was also getting annoyed that Nico wasn't dancing either, but I tried brushing it off. Once Foreign Beggars got onstage that shit turned around. It started to get packed and people were getting crammed. In a way our 4 group was getting closer to the front but it was pointless because all these dumb Flashy half naked twats wanna be go-go dancers that covering the view of the DJs on the floor bar rail near the stage. LIKE WTF I DID NOT PAY TO SEE YOU COOCH OR ASS! Steph amd I snuck under the bar rail to get a good view of the DJs in the very front while Nico and Steph's friend stayed behind. The front was totally compact. I was getting claustrophobic super quick withing probably 10 mins I told steph I had to get back to Nico, I just couldn't handle how packed it was and I was worried about nico being upset that i left her. As I tried making my way back to the center floor going underneath the bar I thought Nico and Steph's frend would be right there waiting for us to pop out. They were NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. All I could think was "OH MY GOD, FUCK! Nico probably left cause she's pissed". So I made way looking for her and Steph's Friend through the club. I basically looked them the whole entire time 12th Planet played. I was totally panicking and I felt like i was about to cry. I could not get over that the first concert that I would go to with my girlfriend, I would end up losing her. Once Skrillex came on I gave up look for any of the three of them I figured i would just get in the crowed and just enjoy seeing Skrillex do his show. He was truly amazing. Druing the he preformed I got my hair pulled, pushed and shoved, got trapled on by people trying to crowd surf, and got grinded on..ugh.. It was Sad hearing the songs that both my girlfriend and I love and we were not together dancing to them. The whole show was over I finally found Nico and Stephy close to the exit. Turns Nico went on a rampage looking for me and Stephy was slightly crying because her friends was ignoring her, he didnt like that we separated from them so he got irritated so he ignored Steph and ditched us. As we started making our was towards the exit some bitch threw up and Nico. Nico was so close to knocking her out, but I think the dumb bitch made be self mostly spit up water just so she can out of the building faster. Stephy went to get her stuff from her jerk friend and we gave her a ride home.
It was a bad night for the three of us.
But Skrillex himself is amazing live, none the less.
-Alessandra
Monday, September 26, 2011
Tomorrow!
Tomorrow Nico and I are going to go see Skrillex! Yay! I'm slightly excited but i can't wait!
I'm going to be taking my camera and hopefully take pictures. If not I guess Im goin to have to use the Ipod.
Btw Nico and I both died our hair. Nio went all black, and I went back to platinum/white from frosted pink tip fringe.
K, bye!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
I've been feeling kind of down lately
Just life seems pretty lame lately.
1st: My birthday.... Nicole works both Saturday(15th) and Sunday(16th) so that already limits may options off my list. The 15th is also the day my dad has a body competition in Houston, although my mom says that she and the girls are not going but I find that very hard to believe because my dad is more likely to fight with my mom into making them go Saturday and stay there till Sunday. So I really have no absolute plans for my birthday at all. And I don't expect anything.
2nd: I have been working hard on cleaning and baby sitting for my family so I could earn some money since I do not have a job. I'm trying to save up for my ears. This is something i have been wanting for a long time> i want all my mod but i really want my ears pointed. This cause a fight between Nicole and I. She called me stingy and said I'm just like my dad and that I've done nothing. Sucks I'm working hard on having something i really and will give my self for my birthday.
3rd: I am just really having a hard time of getting what I want. I feel stuck and that I'm getting nowhere.
I hope things get better.
1st: My birthday.... Nicole works both Saturday(15th) and Sunday(16th) so that already limits may options off my list. The 15th is also the day my dad has a body competition in Houston, although my mom says that she and the girls are not going but I find that very hard to believe because my dad is more likely to fight with my mom into making them go Saturday and stay there till Sunday. So I really have no absolute plans for my birthday at all. And I don't expect anything.
2nd: I have been working hard on cleaning and baby sitting for my family so I could earn some money since I do not have a job. I'm trying to save up for my ears. This is something i have been wanting for a long time> i want all my mod but i really want my ears pointed. This cause a fight between Nicole and I. She called me stingy and said I'm just like my dad and that I've done nothing. Sucks I'm working hard on having something i really and will give my self for my birthday.
3rd: I am just really having a hard time of getting what I want. I feel stuck and that I'm getting nowhere.
I hope things get better.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
So now I have an "idea" for what I can do for New Years.
This right here! Perfect for New Years Celebration!
I wanna do something WILD to end my year! This would be perfect!!
............Well for me that is.
AW MY GAWD THIS IS TOO CUTE!
AHAHAHAHAHA!:D!!!!!!
Lately I've been on the pastel side of stuff! I'm really getting into fairy kei and and hime. I'm trying to mix it in with my style. I'll start post fashion styles soon. I just don't feel comfortable enuff yet.
And this fucking grean hair will not fade! D: moo fooo foo!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Two Horrid Nightmares
I'm not sure if it was because of the movie "Contagion" or because I kinda before i slept but i had two bad nightmares.
The first nightmare had to do with some kind of demonic poltergeist in our apartment. I just remember objects were flying around in our bedroom and i could not move or scream.
I ended up waking up around 1:00 am, because of the dream and because i was roasting hot. I took the laptop into the living room and played on Polyvore till 3:00 am. I just need to clear my mind. So i went back into bed and cuddled with my girlfriend.
Then the second dream. This one was the worst. I was abducted by some psycho pervert and he attempted rape. And again I could not move or scream.
Ugh Sucky dreams.
The first nightmare had to do with some kind of demonic poltergeist in our apartment. I just remember objects were flying around in our bedroom and i could not move or scream.
I ended up waking up around 1:00 am, because of the dream and because i was roasting hot. I took the laptop into the living room and played on Polyvore till 3:00 am. I just need to clear my mind. So i went back into bed and cuddled with my girlfriend.
Then the second dream. This one was the worst. I was abducted by some psycho pervert and he attempted rape. And again I could not move or scream.
Ugh Sucky dreams.
Friday, September 9, 2011
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